I wish that Abby weren’t my friend.
Granted, that I would not know him if it weren’t for her.
Granted, that my only opportunities to see him are through her.
But the romantic drama that is Abby and the spraying of male territory that follows in her wake take a lot of things off the table.
I hadn’t decided whether to share my new crush with her or to save it so as not to jinx. It’s been so long since I have truly been interested in someone. It’s been so long since I met anyone that got my curiosity going and surprised me. If you go long enough not finding prospects you kind of stop looking. Then if you go long enough not looking, you kinda start forgetting to look at all. And that – the forgetting to look - is dangerous territory. You get sloppy around guys – you treat them all the same – you forget to flirt – you don’t scan the room for potentials - nothin. I’m single the same way I am female...it just is. It sounds healthy but this is nowhere to be in your thirties. The clock is ticking and I need to get my head out of my ass. Another scary truth about your thirties rears it’s ugly head.
I looked pretty for my girl date. I was ready for a good grown-up night out. I had a new crush in a new city and I was going to have a good meal with my new girlfriend Abby. New York with prospects - Yay me!
I didn’t realize that I was so excited until now. Now that it is too late. I smile big as Abby sits down and drops her golden hammer. “So Check It , Seth and I are going to start dating. You know how I always say that if I don’t meet anyone then I should just marry Seth? Well, the other night we kissed and…”
SON OF A BITCH! WOW, REALLY?
And just like that – It’s gone.
The whole thing is gone. WOW !
I’m not even sure where to look right now.
You know in gym when someone yells “Think Fast” and lunges a ball at your head?
Well clearly, I am not a fast thinker!
Stunned - Still stunned. Wait, did she just say “Check It?”
I mean - Yes, I’ve known Seth for what a month? And I realized I liked him a week ago.
But it was a really good week and I was getting back in the game!
Just apparently, not with Seth.
I thought we were going to talk about her illegal sublet.
Wow did we already finish that bottle of Pinot?
“I mean since me and Brandon broke up…” she continued.
I knew that this epiphany of hers would only last a week or two. (Two and a half as it turns out)
But my chances with Seth were now gone forever. Or at least a year. No, forever. Cause even after they are just friends again - She’s got Dibs!
Dibs! I’m 30, I thought I was too old for this shit!
Dibs – Here’s how it works:
Abby just called dibs on a guy she dated for one month in 1995.
Since that time, he has been the one she calls to complain to about her current boyfriends and to use as her fall back if she’s too close to 40 and is still single.
I can now never do anything about, near or around Seth ‘cause Dibs have been called and we all know the rules. It’s just like “Shotgun” - either you call it - or you’re riding in the back!
AND even if I were to say:
“The hell with it! I can do what I want once this 2 weeks of flirting is over. I‘m going for it!”
Get Real – Guys cross streets for Abby.
SHE - Tall, Blonde, Cheek-boned, Funny & Magazine Cool.
ME – Soft Brown & Giggly with a cutting wit.
Hmph, See ya, wouldn’t want to be ya!
I can’t compete with that!
Nor am I allowed to ‘cause 5th Grade Rules!
Seriously, I can’t believe I’m here again.
And now she’s telling me that I am her best friend in New York.
Cheers to that! Suck It Abbs!
Yeah “I love you too” and I do - But right now – I could skip it.